There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
worst night to have a conscience
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
