I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
