What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
