yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
