I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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