My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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