Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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