Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
