I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
