sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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