I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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