I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
