..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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