guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
