Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
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