Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
