No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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