piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
