I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
