I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
