Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
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