what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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