Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
