So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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