he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
