It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
