It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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