he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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