Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
