Please, let me fuck your mom
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
