She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
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