you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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