there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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