idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
