'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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