Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
my liver is dry heaving
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
