I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
