Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
