You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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