as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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