Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
