VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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