so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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