did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
