Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
