It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Drake has all the answers
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
