This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
