Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
