I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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