He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
