I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize