She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
