Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
