I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
