i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
