There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
