maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
