I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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