I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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