it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
