Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
