How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
