that's an acceptable place to lick
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
