you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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