i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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