"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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