Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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