Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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