i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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