Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
