you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
