There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
