What a fucking waste of an outfit
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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