It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
