You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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