I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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