I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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