I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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