Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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