she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
