You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You are the jesus of drinking
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
