We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Every concussion has its silver lining
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
