Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
