Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
