I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
