She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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