I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
