We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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