Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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