Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Randomize
