I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
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I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
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Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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