I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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