I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
