so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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