so explain again why im purple
no
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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