Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
