forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
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It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
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You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I party with great urgency now.
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