Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Pants are for mortals
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
