help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
